3 ways to handle and work for an autocratic, micro-managing and de-humanizing boss?

I have one word - QUIT - and move on as Chris Selland said "Life is too short."

I will list 4 ways to address these concerns as the dehumanizing aspect require separate discussions:

1) With regards to dehumanizing, you need to address these concerns head on. You can either quit (if you can afford to) or start looking for another job. However, assuming you want to or need to stay, you first should talk to the manager, unemotionally, about it and explain how you are feeling. No one can disagree with your feeling as they are your feelings so hopefully this will seem to be less confrontational and the manager's response won't be so defensive and they will change their behavior.

2) If the above doesn't work, then you should document the incidents and go to HR; assuming the boss is not the owner. The documentation is required so the complaints won't be considered "anecdotal" and HR has something for their records. This might work, because if the manager treats other employees like this, HR might have other complaints on file and this might be enough for them to take corrective action. If nothing else, you have started to build documentation for the next person who contact HR. If you are still working there when this happens, corrective action might begin at this point.

4) This approach doesn't address the dehumanizing part, but it is what I do and always recommend to my staff to do in this situation. Yes, I tell my staff for 2 important reasons: 1) If I am or even perceived in behaving in this manner then I want to know ASAP, so we can address/discuss the concern together. Remember perception is reality in the eyes of the person with the issue. 2) Being their manager, one of my responsibilities is to be their mentor; which means provide advise for today as well for the use in the future.

There are only 3 reasons why a manager will micro-manage an employee:

1) The manager is new to the job and wants to know more about the job and the staff''s responsibilities. The manager then can quickly become more knowledgeable about the job, the staff's responsibilities and capabilities. This knowledge should then be used to effectively delegate in the near future. I tell my staff that if I am in their "sandbox" after 3 months then they should come talk with me.

2) The manager has little confidence in your ability to do the job correctly. Since the manager is responsible for the end product, this might be the right thing to do. However, having said that, the manager should address their concerns with the employee and either work on a plan to improve performance or the employee needs to change the manager's perception. Again, perception is reality.

3) The manager is a micro-manager and will not change. If this is the case, then you have the choice of living with it, changing jobs in the company or leaving the company.

For me, this has worked very well. I know that I can point to at least one incident where a very good staff member came to and said "I know that you know my job as you did it yourself and I feel you are micro-managing me so I am assuming that you don't have confidence in my ability. We talked about it and I clearly had confidence in his ability and so I did "back-off" and all was well from that point forward.

I agree with many of the postings that "Life is too short to do business with people that are not pleasant".

Having said that, our options in this economy are more limited than we have become accustomed to. Here are a couple of things that might be helpful.

1. Increase your emotional intelligence. Make a formal study of EI and be sure you have all the tools available to handle a wide variety of personalities.

2. Read the book "Tangling With Tyrants" by Tony Deblauwe. This is a pragmatic look at working with and for people who exhibit really difficult behaviors. There are also associated workbooks.

3. Take your time and line up another opportunity in case the situation does not improve.

I've read two books on the subject: Crazy Bosses (by Stanley Bing, the Fortune columnist) and Brutal Bosses and Their Prey. Bing's book does a great job of identifying about 6 common pathologies of these bosses. Sadly, I hit the trifecta with one boss of mine who had three of these symptoms simultaneously.

Neither book really offered much counsel as to what specifically one can do while working with one of these nutjobs. As a prior writer opined, they're messed up - it's a behavioral problem on their end and you can't change it. Changing jobs, sadly, is often the best way to deal with them.

A micromanager is usually symptomatic of an individual who:

- has serious trust/control issues. They probably have these same behaviors with their spouse, children, etc. They call, email, IM, etc. incessantly as they have a pressing desire to not only know what's going on every minute of your life but they also think you can't come to a good idea/outcome without their help.

- is a narcissist. They hear you complain about the over-smothering, over-attention, etc. but they never take your feedback to heart. That's because they can't. These bosses say the right things but always do what they always do.

- are people that got promoted beyond their capability. They retreat to the comfort zone of a job they used to have because they know how to do it. They don't know how to properly manage, mentor a team, guide the group to a new strategic direction, etc. They're doing your job because they can't do theirs.

None of these situations is curable by an employee. IF you can crack the code on this, you've got a great future ahead of you as a book author, speaker and visionary.

You have my sympathies and my best wishes,
Brian

One of my mentors, early in my career, provided wise guidance that I would pass on in reference to this situation:
"There are decisions you make and those you live with . . . if you can't make 'em and you can't live with 'em, then you better find someplace you can do one or the other."

Especially in regard to professional positions (e.g. IT, which is where I am), this sort of Theory-X management is disrespectful of the professional employee and should not be tolerated. If the company, the boss' manager, and HR _are_ tolerating it, then there is no hope of change and no reason to subject yourself to the psychological abuse and stress. If you choose to confront the boss, have your next job already lined up . . . but I would advise only providing your reasons for leaving in the exit interview.

Three ways: leave, leave and leave.

You cannot change people and there are some who are just too whacky to work for. Period.

I've been there too. I waited too long. It took a serious toll.

If you can stand to wait until you have another job lined up, that's great. But if you're feeling like a character in some weird novel....Leave immediately.

1. Pre-empt- give them more information than they need. It might seem time-consuming but you can turn it into a positive if you are also creating the information for yourself and use it to make business decisions.
2. Work on your PR- if you think he or she is like that then chances are that everybody else knows so too. Improve your reputation with the peers of your boss and they are more likely to back off.
3. Don't take any crap- easier said than done, but the bottom line is if you give in to bullying you lose. The important thing is to be assertive, stay calm, be logical and switch off when you go home for the night.

After giving thumbs up to a few answers, I realized there was something to add.

1. Line up a new position. As a mentor once told me, "Never throw away dirty water until you have clean water to replace it."

2. Then, let the highlest level person know why you are leaving. Be polite and diplomatic. If there is no one else above, say nothing negative other than, i have an opportunity that is better suited to my career goals.

3. When asked by future employers why you are leaving, state the advantages of going to work for them as career improvement over where you are.

I've been there, but not for long.

Life's too short.

I worked for an employer like this for more than 5 years. She was the owner of the company that employed me. I made bargains with myself such as, "As long as she doesn't do X to me, I can tolerate her doing this to others - it's none of my business." I asked for change in a polite manner, then I asked for change in an impolite manner. Nothing worked.

I recommend to anyone in this situation - regardless of the job market - quit and quit promptly. You will be OK. In fact, you will be better for it.

There is no trade-off or learning experience that is worth tolerating the kind of trash that some managers dish out. If you leave, you save yourself and you punish the manager with unwanted turnover (at the very least).

There is a wonderful book that addresses this and similar situations: "The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't" by Robert I. Sutton (see http://f00.in/6x). It also covers other work and life situations where obnoxious behavior needs to be curtailed. I strongly recommend it for all employees and managers, for their work and for self-assessment.

Hmmm....
{many of the previous comments have validity}
In every company there is "Dark" & "Light". Just when you think you're in a great company, along comes change! - so stay fit*

1 - ALWAYS create and have other options available to you in life. If you don't have a real Plan B, establish one fast (or read *who moved my cheese).
Then you will only tolerate what you choose to tolerate. It's terrible feeling caught in a corner without any control over your present or future.

2 - Set the goal of proving to your boss that they will never have such a fantastic subordinate again (within ethics, moral & legal bounds). If you truly win them over to the "Light Side" then they will more likely listen to your views and preferences.
Hard work, but have worked for 2 ridiculously difficult micro-managing directors. The result for me translated into better skills sets and other job opportunities

3 - If you still want to leave after this/ don't want to do this, then leave when it suits you and your family

Remember: Choose your future and do what you enjoy!

I have been in abusive workplaces before and can sympathize with your situation. At the time, I did not have a choice and could not find another job and did not have the tools, confidence, or structure to support a graceful exit from the situation. I would like to hope that times have changed a little since then, but I realize that is optimistic.

I agree with some of the above comments regarding engaging in a conversation with the human resources department. If the organization has an interest in developing leaders to their full potential there should be an avenue towards creating the space for constructive conversations. If you do not have such an environment in the organization and there is nobody who could advocate for your needs I would join those who say you should look for employment elsewhere.

However, as you are looking, taking into consideration a past relationship with this individual, a conversation may be fruitful. Start by going into the meeting with a strong feeling that everyone does their best and has the best of intentions at work - you are all on the same team, trying to create success for yourselves and the organization. No matter how abusive a boss is, most of them do not want to hurt other people and just do not realize they have that impact. And if the boss is a true sadist, at least you've stood up for yourself and found a way to communicate your needs and assert that you believe in your value as a colleague.

Try to refrain from taking a 'victim' role in your conversation and make sure you have concrete demands for behavioral change. Specific examples that impact the bottom line also help. Example: "I know you do not intentionally XXX but when YYY happens, it impacts my work in ZZZ ways. For example, last week when GGG happened, it created problems with FFF and PPP. Next time something like this comes up, maybe we could work together to change our dynamic around PPP and try to specifically !,2,3, and 4."

If the conversation is about one recent event it is easier to create change than a barrage of 'last week, last month, all the time you are a jerk and I hate you'... collecting injuries and spitting them out in one conversation makes everything seem like a huge deal and an attack and you're unlikely to get a positive response.

Hope this helps.

I'm sorry I think I have read the question differently to most. Obviously leaving is an acceptable course, but if you HAVE to handle and work for this person, which is how I read the question, then people might need strategies. I have done both. Life is too short, but sometimes it's worth a battle.

Regretfully, in this job market, leaving a job is often not an option. So what can you do?

There are many ways in which a person can adjust their behavior to take into account the behaviors of their bosses and coworkers. Some years ago, I was an executive in a company with a very disfunctional executive staff. The CEO in frustration, put the entire staff into a course that identified the key personality traits of each manager, what behaviors are typical when in normal times and when the manager was under stress, and what are most effective means of dealing with these normal and abnormal behaviors. To me, at least, the course was helpful in dealing with these personality issues. It was hard, but we learned that often what seemed to be overbearing and intimitating behavior was actually stress reactions that when recognized could be dealt with in predictable ways that made things better. By reducing the stress experienced by the manger, behavior could be returned to normal.

So I offer the following; if a person at all times is difficult and has no redeeming qualities (I have not met such a person), then the best strategy is to leave. But as is more likely, a person has a personality style very different from yours, such as in time sensitivity, then there can be learned behaviors on both parts to try to get on the same wave length. How to do this is far beyond the scope of what can be outlined here. But I suggest reading materials that might be available over the Internet on identification of personality styles (including your own) and what can be done about differences. By way of information, the course we took outlined four main styles, Driver, Expressive, Analytical and Amiable.

You describe a specific situation in which you had prior experience with the person. One of my mentor's used the adage, "Shame me once, shame on you. Shame me twice, shame on me."

We've all read people leave their managers, not their company. We put a lot of stress on managers effectively leading their teams. But how can we help employees initiate constructive dialogue with their one-up?

I still like to give the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to improve a situation or relationship. When working with difficult managers, I suggest:
1) Suspend judgment.
2)Calm the inner voice that wants to be decisive based on emotions.
3) Gather facts and information to gain a broader perspective
4) Put yourself in that person's shoes for a while - again, obtain a different perspective
5) Determine what or where the differences are and if there is something that can learned or gained from the differences. Generally the differences are based on "needs" or as Rick suggests, personality preferences. As a Type practitioner, I agree.
6) Address the differences or "needs" in a meaningful, non-confrontational, non-threatening conversation and dialogue.

OK, this is more than three. My apologies. Do be careful with "de-humanizing" though. This could be bullying and perhaps,needs HR counsel.

I agree with Bob's assessment regarding "There are only 3 reasons why a manager will micro-manage an employee".

If you are dealing with situation 1 (new manager new to situation), then the response needs to be a concerted effort to ssist the manager in learning as much as possible as fast as possible so that the manager gets the heck out of your sand box.

If it is the second type of situation (lack of confidence in your abilities), then you need to make a concerted effort to establish yourself as being able to handle the tasks you are given. (I can tell you from experience that, if this is the case and you are accustomed to much greater autonomy, this will be a struggle. ;-)

If it is the thrid and final situation(the manager is just a micro-manager and it's in their blood, so to speak), then you need to do a self assessment and decide wether you can deal with it or just deal with it long enough to fid somewhere else to be . . . back to the "decisions you make and those you live with" line.

I have been hired for my abilities and skills and then micro-managed as though I were a newbie who knew nothing and I can tell you that is hard to deal with. In most cases, I established my credentials (again ;-) and was able to gain autonomy. In a couple of cases, either the manager was so totally insecure that they couldn't stop micro-managing or else they were just genetically predisposed to micro-managing. In either of those last two situations, I found a way to deal with it . . . long enough, anyway. ;-)

1- Find another - any - job
2- Work for yourself
3- Kill him/her

OK, so let's look at this a little differently. Steve Jobs has been called autocratic and a micro-manager. I am not sure about de-humanizing. And yet Apple is considered one of the top places to work. How do you figure that?

I think you have strategiesfor dealing with this.

First - assuming you have the confidence to do so, have an honest and constructive discussion with your manager about their style. Let them know what you mean by micromananaging - giving plenty of examples so theere can be no mistake. Be clear about what effect this has on your own performance. Then let them know how you work best - what approach you need from them in order to be most effective.

I find these conversatisn are rarely held, and I know it's because people prefer to sufer in silence, or feel if they express their preferences then the outcomes will be worse.

I say - what do you have to lose? Chances are, no-one has bothered to ever speak with them directly about their style. And maybe nothing changes but at least you know you've made every efort to deal with the situation positively.

Second strategy, if and when the first one leads to no change - find yourself a new job.
's your choice to determine whether the person's style

You took the job, and with prior knowledge of this person's behavior, so there must be 'something good' that compelled you to join. Start with this.

1- What is going right? Do you like the company, the work, the pay, teh commute? WHat is working well for you. Try to identify things about your boss that are positive as well. Do you respect his/her knowledge, clarity, power?

2- What's the problem? I may define autocratic, de-humanizing and micro-managing in different ways than you. What specific behaviors and actions are difficult for you? When do they occur? Are there triggers you can identify? Try to describe the 'what' in simple, unemotional and behavioral terms.

3- Set your context. What are you willing to do, and what will you refuse to endure? When you define what you are seeking to achieve, and how, you are ready to talk to your boss.

4- Talk to your boss. Start by describing what you see as their strengths, teh benefits you derive from your job and the opportunity your role affords, and the contribution you can make. Outline teh obstacles you are encountering, and offer up ways that you can work to avoid/balance/eliminate these obstacles. Ask your boss for help in achieveing these changes or suggestions for other ways to work together more productively.

5- Monitor your progress and stick to yoru context. The reality (which you well know) is that there is no long-term solution for a dysfunctional work relationship, but there may be short term adjustments that will help you to 'get to' the beneifts and rewards you seek before you move on.

Assuming you're stuck, at least while a new job is pending:

1. QTIP Quit Taking It Personally. This has nothing to do with you. He would treat anyone else as badly, you are just the nearest target.

2. Find your locus of control. As Paul Bridle said above, sort your world, inner and outer, into 2 piles: things you can control and things you can't. Writing this down or talking it out with another person will help you find fallacies in your thinking. You'll find at least one area in which you have power that you once felt was hopeless.

3. Stop complaining that the world isn't like it "should" be and experiment wildly. Use this time as an opportunity to practice different coping strategies, different methods of persuasion or argument, different ways to find and persuade key influencers (key customers, his spouse, his minister or rabbi, etc.). Even one approach that proves even somewhat effective will be useful in all future jobs AND the only risk is getting fired and collecting unemployment. This is actually the *best* environment for testing radically new approaches, so do at least one brave thing each week and operate outside your comfort zone. Heck, you're already miserable, could it actually get worse?

4. Detach until you can find humor in the situation. Reading Dilbert cartoons helps me. Reframe your situation: "One reason I am staying here is to collect research material for a career as a standup comic."

5. Find a support group, online or face to face, of people who also feel trapped and hate their jobs. Swap stories. You'll feel a bit better knowing you're not alone. Contact me privately if you want.

6. Learn from this mistake and carry the lessons with you.

Hope this helps. - Jim

Obviously this question struck resonance with a lot of people, considering the broad response. Lots of good advice; Tom Markham's was a little drastic (#3) but amusing.

And, yes, it's not always the employee who suffers in these situations; the organization can suffer too. Clearly there are exceptions: Apple & Steve Jobs, Oracle and Larry Ellison, and others whose top managers blunt force their way to success and riches.

How do you decide what's best for you? Bottom line is: how do you value the amount of time you have on this planet?

If you're paid handsomely for your abuse, you may put up with it. Lots of people with large salaries do, often because they think they can eventually 'escape.' If you're not paid well, and don't have other options, you probably will live with it until you can escape. If you're not getting paid well and you still stay in the position, get some outside counseling. Because, then, the problem may not (only) be your boss...