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How do you collaborate with someone with whom you need to work with who is arrogant and unbearable?
Once every few years I come across someone in a phone interaction who is so full of themselves it makes you go nuts! For professional reasons you try and keep it civil and find a way to collaborate with them but often these folks suffer from severe disconnects with how they come across. Or they just dont care. What do you think?
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4 Answers
Fiest and foremost, we are all different and some people you work with you would choose not to socialize with. So my remedy is to control the conversation and keep this task focused.
I would open the call with, I do not have much time so I need to keep this conversation on task. As soon as the other persn starts to drone on about how many times they have done this before etc etc pull the conversation back to task.
The other person will soon get to understand your style and hopefully will control themselves in the future.
Perhaps it's time to get a mediator involved? Whether that be someone of your choosing or the other party's, it might be wise. A mediator can help to establish common ground, goals and timelines that will either drive your project forward or at minimum, stop you from damaging a prospective business relationship.
OK. Now comes the sensitive question. Are you sure that the issue lies with the other party? Is there a possibility that the problem stems from you? If you're giving off the wrong kinds of vibes during a call, then it might set the other person on edge. If you're more of a "face-to-face, people need to read my body language to really get me” kind of person, then keep the calls brief and opt for a face time whether in person or via a medium like Skype.
Your situation sounds so much like a labor contract negotiation, where some people at the table have the characteristics you outlined. Based on that I would make a few comments:
Separate the people from the problem—people are people, but the problem is why you are engaged; control your emotion and especially over the phone your voice is what they “see” in their mind so control tone, inflection, volume, rise and falls in the voice.
Focus on interests, not positions---identify the interests, talk about interests, be hard on problem but soft on people.
Power—the person with the “power” has respect and people listen, so (1) look behind their comments, position, “I don’t care” attitude, recast an attack on you as an attack on the problem, (2) be honest and so do not play their game. Do not react. Instead bring them back to the task and tell them that you are trying to focus on a solution and that their attitude/comments detract from ability to do that (i.e., name the game, and the game stops). If you do these things you build your Power!
Negotiate the rules of the game—give them advice as a ‘friend’, nicely. Someone in this thread suggested telling them you ‘don’t have much time so let’s keep the discussion on the task’. This is a good example. Keep bringing them back to the task at hand.
Lastly, the most important thing:
When you lose your temper, the Power goes to the other side!!!! This is very important and the last thing you want to happen.
This gives you some idea as how to handle the attitude of the other person. Also, I suggest you have a supervisor listen-in on a call and then debrief with them afterward (e.g. what did I do right? Wrong? How can I ___? Suggestions? Did I contribute to the problem?). Then create a new approach for the next time you deal with a person like this and continue to refine it.
Hope this helps..…Michael
The old saying goes something like, "How people act is a sign of their character. How you respond is a sign of yours."
You get to choose how you will deal with me.
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